Trollkjerringa: Friday 🌻

Yeah, it’s Friday!

Here in Norway it’s the last day of home-school before Easter Hols

I can't remember I have looked so much forward Easter Hols before.

This bog is really supposed to be about happy and my joy of creating and mending.

But I found out I need to let out what's on my heart , so I might as well say it here.

I find myself to pull the I’m chronically ill card all the time.

Something I really don’t like to do, but at the moment I don’t feel like I have any option.

Struggling with SLE and chronic fatigue is not something I think everyone needs to know.

But now I’m still choosing to post it here

I’m tired of explaining why I can’t do everything people expect from me , because they don’t understand And yes I do look rather healthy if you see me walking my dogs or maybe you saw I was in town you would propably think I looke fine .

Lately I don’t have much energy left after helping out with home school for 3 weeks.

I miss out on my friends . I miss following up on my online friends , they are mostly all my social life since I rarely have the energy to maintain other friends . People get tired when you have to cancel all the time because you are not felling very well . And I’m not really a very social person in the first place

I haven’t been very creative this weeks, it’s worse than anything ,as it works as my lifeline and keeping me sane . And I forget I have pain and that I slept poorly due to pain several nights in a week.

Having an invisible illness is difficult for healthy people to understand.

I tell my other chronically ill friends this all the time .

You can maybe try to imagine, but as a healthy person you would never have the prerequisite to understand .

As healthy people do get well after being ill . Thay can’t really grasp how it would be to not have any chance of getting any better , or actually might getting worse.

You learn a lot of new coping mechanisms when you are chronicle ill

First of all I usually try to pretend I’m healthy, that gets me out of a lot of silly questions and a lot of have you tried this or that. Or even you just have to pull yourself together.

I’m an expert of avoiding people I know when I’m in town as meeting 3 people who would like to talk even for a little while, will drain my energy so I cant get around to do what I really was supposed to do .

No one see me after being a little trip to the grocery store totally exhausted.

No one see when I’m in too much pain to manage to get out of bed.

No one sees then I’m so exhausted after a day that I cant read a knitting pattern because it all gets blurry and the letters float around. Or when I’m so tired I feel asleep while I was crocheting.

You have to have a lot of humour and self-irony to get through the day .

Thinking about things you can’t do any more isn’t something I do anymore as it’s just depressing.

I’m trying my best to stay positive and enjoy the things I can do.

This home school business makes it really hard though .

I find I constantly don’t manage all the things I need to do .

I do stretch and stretch, but it never seems to get me across the finish line .

And I really shouldn’t have stretched very much in the first place as it could result in a flair up.

In the back of my head I can hear the hospital say , we are coming to get you if you don’t slow down now .

But I think it’s bloody unfair for my child .

I understand it’s frustrating and difficult for a lot of people in this crisis.

At least social distancing is not very difficult for me, as I mostly do it all year around, because being around people drains my energy . And as I said in my previous post I barely manage my everyday life on a regular day . It’s actually so bad I get annoyed if people come over unannounced, because they are tempering with my schedule. It’s almost hysterical don’t you think ?

But where did my humour and positive attitude go ?

I already let the elephant into the room.

I have yelled at teachers, I have refused my son to pick up plastic wast , that actually was a task from school. But i didn't think it was a good idea do the the corona virus.

But instead my son got to do a visible mend.

Hopefully not destroying my newly planted potato field in our living room.

It’s snowing here again , and even if I really would like to have a bit of spring I don’t need to worry about the garden work jet .

I had great fun crocheting some leaves for a very good friend.

I do hope she doesn’t get sleepy looking at them as I fell asleep several times crocheting them

I also manage to make a colourful mandala for Easter. I’m gifting it to a friend that needs some joy and happiness in her life.

Making other people happy is one of my favourite things .

I don’t feel I have been that girl this past three weeks .

And I have left most of the responsibility of our mending community Mendingmayhem to my dear friend Suzi, who actually have more than enough on her plate than to do my share of work .

But today we have a lovely guest post from Eva Kittelsen , who is a visible mending actevist , and known to most Norwegians from symesterskapet (sewing bee) .

Just pop over to read the post here

I have been so busy and tired I didn't even see my orchid got a baby